Desire is a wall that separates the body from the self. My desires painted a picture for my future, stroked with rich and deeply diverse brushstrokes of brightly colored hope. Yet currents of convention swept me back into the black and white boundaries of habitual tradition, keeping me from realizing the full spectrum of my potential. Fear contained me in a cycle of questioning and stagnation, held “safe” within the walls of boxes. Like a stash box ballerina, my toe danced on a single axis when wound and bound by the will of someone else’s hand. I lost my sense of core and creative artistry in the dizzying turns.
Wanting, or desire, the source of all suffering, means, “to lack”. So what was I lacking? Growth! Since my spirit couldn’t grow in cube, the only thing that could develop was ego. The walls created misunderstanding and duality, and therefore perpetuated the rotation of suffering. Perhaps it is not such a bad thing to have desires, for they aid us in the most important realm of life: movement. Desire means holding a vision of a dream, seeing wisdom of what we need to achieve said dream, and acting to bring those needs into our core reality. Desire to step out of old decay and into something new is what potential growth is all about. If we can embrace what we are lacking and make moves to change, then we can truly grow. The solution to mitigating desire is not to focus energies on staying put, which binds us tightly, ignoring our human nature and acting out in material ways that are less than pleasant. Perhaps wanting isn’t always such a faux paux. Perhaps it can be a primal calling to step into ones true being.
I close my eyes. Quiet the surrounding voices. Listen to the wisdom within. Leap into faith. Pass through the veiled walls that manifest a false sense of security. Step into the unknown. Fall into the heart. Become my true self.
Once we let down our walls, like magic, desire fades. The perceived danger of being vulnerable in the open turns out to be the way of becoming one with all. The key is to bring our dreams into the heart, so that we may find the courage to act in the world magnanimously. Because the place of vulnerability that we fear is also the source of our greatest strength, our greatest self, and the safest place we can be.
